Forgiveness

Things have happened in my life and to those around me lately that has had me question what forgiveness is all about. Don't get me wrong - I am all about forgiving someone because to not forgive hurts you more than the person who wronged you. But what causes some people to not forgive? Or to say they do forgive but act in ways that show they don't? Grudges can be debilitating. So what are unforgivable acts for some people?

My first stop was to Google the word. The third on the list was a link from Mayo Clinic. I have a lot of respect for what the Mayo Clinic has to offer and their article on the subject of forgiveness hit spot on. The article is titled: Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness

From the article:

What is forgiveness?
Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.
**********************

Fourth on the list is from a Christian website and is about what the bible says about forgiveness. This is a good thing, but also something that frustrates me. While some of the most forgiving and loving people I have met are Christians - some of the most unforgiving people have also been Christians.... especially Catholic. Not to say that all Catholics are unforgiving - I know this is NOT true. But what I am trying to state is that I do not believe that religion has any bearing on forgiveness. Sure, you can say "I forgive you because that is what God/Allah/Goddess would want me to do" but then you are not forgiving the person for YOU, but for your Deity. And that type of forgiveness doesn't work.
**********************

I want to have this topic open for debate. I'm curious to know what people have truly forgiven. I know I have had my share of challenges and while not all have been successfully forgiven, most have. I will end my rant with some quotes:

Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.
Cherie Carter-Scott, "If Love Is a Game, These Are the Rules"

If you haven't forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others?
Dolores Huerta

To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.
Franklin P. Adams US journalist (1881 - 1960)

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
Josh Billings US Humorist (1818 - 1885)

Forgiveness is almost a selfish act because of its immense benefits to the one who forgives.
Lawana Blackwell, The Dowry of Miss Lydia Clark, 1999

The hatred you're carrying is a live coal in your heart - far more damaging to yourself than to them.
Lawana Blackwell, The Dowry of Miss Lydia Clark, 1999

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Mahatma Gandhi Indian political and spiritual leader (1869 - 1948)

Pray you now, forget and forgive.
William Shakespeare, "King Lear", Act 4 scene 7
Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)